There
by the courtyard doors stood Professor Windsor.
“Ruth, wonderful, I was hoping to see you. I wanted to give you
a medical exam.”
“You already gave one to Rani,” said Ruth. “What do you need
me for?”
“Comparison,” said the Professor. “Hard to compare anything
when you have only one data set, right?”
“We really need to get going –”
“Apollo said we should take off at night. We’ve got time.”
Ruth gave me an exasperated look. “Rani, please humor me here.”
I stared hard at Professor Windsor. Then I stepped between them
and Ruth, and crossed my arms.
Professor Windsor looked impressed. “Standing up for each
other,” they said. “Excellent, you two should do wonderfully on
the expedition. But Ruth, really, I want to be absolutely certain
that Rani’s vital stats are in good shape. I can’t do that
without a basis of comparison.”
“Oh yeah?” said Ruth. “Why don’t you try that solution on
yourself then?”
“I –” Professor Windsor blinked. “You know, I was planning
to test the formula on myself before Rani went and spilled it. I
think I forgot about doing that because I was relieved someone else
had shouldered the burden.”
“Now hang on,” said Ruth. “You’re a Mad Scientist and you
don’t even experiment on yourself? For shame, Professor, for shame!
Where is your courage! Where is your fortitude! You could be
legendary! Or you could die horribly! Or both! There is only one way
to find out! Forward into glory, my friend!”
The Professor chuckled. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to
manipulate me or not.”
“How about we make a deal?” said Ruth. “If you try the
solution on yourself, I’ll let you do a medical exam."
I whistled low. “Damn, girl, you play hardball.”
“Deal,” said Professor Windsor, and dashed off.
“Ruth,” I said, “I don’t understand. You cautioned Guy
against taking the Bird Potion, but you badgered Professor Windsor
into it? What’s the idea?”
“Guy is a young fellow who has future ahead of him if he puts
his mind to it,” chirped Ruth. “Professor Windsor –”
“Is not very much older than us, and has their own future.”
“Fair,” said Ruth. “Then think of this as revenge for what
they did to you. Plus, shall we say, extra insurance that we’ll
have a cure, if the deal falls through with Artemis. I should think
being turned into a bird-person will be sufficient motivation towards
that end.”
“What if they don’t manage in time? What if this condition
impedes them from the final step of the cure? If the deal with
Artemis also falls through, we’re not going to find a cure waiting
for us at the end of the rainbow here. And for that matter, what if
this Bird Potion makes us age really fast? You could have just doomed
us both.”
Ruth blinked. “Ah. Yes. You know what, I no longer recommend
dating me if I’m going to keep acting like this. Excuse me.” She
dashed off down the hall after Professor Windsor.
Professor Windsor stepped out of a door at the other end, looking
proud and eager. Ruth skidded to a halt in front of them and started
gesticulating wildly. The Professor crossed their arms and looked
unimpressed.
“Hey,” said a familiar voice behind me. I turned my head 180
degrees to behold Guy, with Ayaan beside him.
“Holy shit,” said Ayaan. “You really are a bird.”
I shrugged.
Ayaan elbowed Guy. “See, there’s a reason you should take the
Bird Potion, big guy. You want to be able to talk to your friend
here.”
I tilted my head, looking puzzled.
“Hey,” said Guy, “I can do sign language. Can you do sign
language?”
Sign language. Why hadn’t I thought of that. Why hadn’t Ruth
thought of that. Why did no one ever think of that. This stupid Bird
Potion was a last-resort solution that we, and particularly Ruth,
kept using when there were less drastic solutions available. Jesus
Christ. I turned my head back around and covered my face with my
wing.
“Are…you okay? Wait, you can’t answer. But you have a cell
phone right? Can you just text me? My number is 555-555-5555.”
I grumbled a bit and dug my cell phone out of my pocket.
I’m just going through a lot.
It’s adventure, you know?
It’s dramatic, not easy.
Not always fun.
Then what’s the point?
Scuse me?
Isn’t adventure supposed to be fun?
The fun is for the people reading
the dispatches at home.
Yeah, I get that. Are you going to
send dispatches?
Not over the cell phone.
Cell phones are being monitored.
Yeah, government spyware and
stuff.
Worse than that. More invasive.
More pervasive.
How?
Hephaestus.
Never heard of that agency.
Not agency. Person.
Olympian.
Guy looked up from his phone, into my eyes. “What do you – “
I shook my head. Of all people in the world I was not the one who
should have been spreading news about pagan “deities.” They could
handle their own publicity, dammit. Bad enough that Apollo had tried
to seduce poor Guy. I wasn’t about to let him get any further down
that road.
Or at least I wasn’t going to be responsible for it.
Ruth appeared, Professor Windsor close behind. “Alright,” said
Ruth, “so I admit I’m a dumbass. We’re going to do the medical
examination now. If you…three…Ayaan, what are you doing in here?”
Ayaan grinned mischievously.
“Oh no,” said Ruth. “Absolutely not. Forget it. I’m not
getting a FIFTH person involved in this mess!”
“You wouldn’t be,” said Professor Windsor. “It’s my lab,
and my call. Ayaan and I can discuss the data after completing the
medical examination and decide what the risks and benefits are here.”
“And Guy,” said Ayaan. “I’m doing this to follow him.”
“Oh no,” said Ruth. “Now there’s two of me in this room.”
“I don’t understand?” said Guy, looking as confused as I
felt. “Why would you want to follow me? We’ve only known each
other for –”
“A full year and I’ve been crushing on you for half of it.”
Guy’s face flushed. “Oh. So that’s why you got mad at me
when I was flirting with the handsome fellow up on the hill –”
“Yes, that is exactly why! I was about you call dibs on you and
then that – that unsettling hot guy is there and you’re
flirting with him! The only thing I could think to do was to scold
you for consorting with unsavory strangers. I don’t even know if he
was that bad, but he sure gave me the heebie-jeebies.”
“Hot guy?” said Ruth.
I related the story to Ruth. She nodded. “Ah, I see. Yes, Ayaan,
you were right to get in Guy’s way, it seems.”
“So we helped Guy dodge a bullet,” said Ayaan. “Rani, for
that I thank you.”
I bowed low.
“Alright,” said Guy. “With that in mind…” He linked arms
with Ayaan. “Dibs.”
At this, Ayaan laughed aloud. “Right back atcha, big guy.”
“Well there you go,” said Professor Windsor. “Two more
lovebirds. A fine motivation. But as I said, we can discuss that
matter later. Ruth, if you would please follow me?” They turned and
marched down the hall, Ruth close at their heel, and I at hers.
Though I paused to send Guy a quick text.
Please stay where you are and
don’t let your new girlfriend
open
any doors.
…
Ruth’s vital stats were remarkably close to mine.
“Wonderful,” said Professor Windsor. “A reliable basis of
comparison. I can say without a doubt that neither of you two seem to
be falling apart at the seams.”
“That is so good to know,” said Ruth. “And, um…if we’re
turning into birds, or quasi birds – what will our lifespans be?”
The Professor blinked. “You know, I hadn’t considered the
matter.”
“WHAT!”
“I told you,” said the Professor, “I mostly only put this
stuff together. All I can tell you is that passerines like song
sparrows have short lifespans, and the larger Psittasciformes like
gray parrots can live up to 70 years.”
“And…what about falcons?”
“Maximum twenty years I think. Oh, don’t give me that look.
I’ll have a look at your genetic samples and try to see if your DNA
is aging faster or slower than the human baseline, alright? That
should give you a good estimate. Although I will say that Doctor
Morrow is more likely to know the true answer than me.”
I gave the Professor a skeptical look. “Sure.”
“We are speaking of a Mad Scientist,” said Ruth. “He might
be less likely to have considered the full implications of his
creation.”
The Professor rolled their eyes. “Alright, you got me there. It
might still be fun to beat an answer out of that fellow. Anyway! I
will do a test on myself once I reach Ruth’s stage of development,
and then test Ayaan and Guy as well. Maybe do an exam for them before
giving them the solution, so that I can compare the bird form to that
of their personal baselines.”
“You haven’t even discussed that matter with them yet,” said
Ruth. “Weren’t you going to give them the pros and cons first?”
“A courtesy,” said the Professor. “I saw that look in
Ayaan’s eyes. I know that look. She’s already made up her mind.
Might be dragging Guy along with her, as a matter of fact.”
I took out my phone and sent Guy a text.
Hey, was it you or Ayaan who
decided to take the Bird
Potion
first?
Me.
And then Ayaan was like
“I’m not letting you get away that easy.”
Now I understand why.
Okay, good to know.
Full disclosure, I will relay this message
to Ruth, if you
don’t mind.
She seems to care about you.
Yeah, fine.
Um. I’m not trying to steal your girl or anything.
She’s in the same boat as me
Because she can’t let go of
me.
No worries.
At least none for you.
I showed Ruth the set of texts. “Well,” she said, “at least
he’s not being dragged around here. Alright, now that we’re set
here we can –”
There was a clanging crash from the hall.
“Ah,” said Professor Windsor. “Sounds like our Guy might
have got himself into trouble.” They dashed out the examination
room door. Ruth and I followed.
There in the hall was a mess of shattered glass and twisted metal
scattered on the floor beneath Rook’s great head and long neck.
Rook had shoved their head through the doors and backed Guy and Ayaan
against the opposite wall.
“Rook!” I screeched. “Back off, for heaven’s sake! Give
them some air!”
“But I like him!”
“So don’t be rude to him! You’re going to give him a heart
attack before you can get to know him! And stop breaking all the
doors in this place when you can’t even see through them! You could
shove your beak right into a vat of acid or something!”
“Sorry mama.” Rook retracted their head through the doorway.
Guy looked around wildly, then spotted me. “You see why I want
to take the Bird Potion? I want to be able to tell Rook to back off.”
“Seconded,” whimpered Ayaan.
“A decent motivation,” said Professor Windsor. “I should
have thought of that myself. But not to worry, my promising young Mad
Scientists, you will not need to deal with the bird just yet. It’s
going on a journey with Rani and Ruth. You two can come with me, and
we will have a nice long chat regarding the matter of your chosen
path.” They grabbed Guy and Ayaan by their shirt sleeves and
dragged them around a corner.
As we made our way out of the building and up the hill, Ruth said,
“Did Rook call you their mother?”
“I will have to think of a more fitting term,” I said. “For
surely I am neither mother nor father.”
“We’ll come up with something,” said Ruth. “What I am is
cold.” She shoved her hands in her pockets. “How are you not
cold?”
There was indeed an evening breeze, as we crested the top of the
hill. Time was when I might have felt it, but in that moment the
sensation barely bothered me. “No exposed skin left on me. You’ll
have that problem solved for yourself soon enough.”
“Don’t remind me. Can we go back to the dorm?”
“We…you know, I’m finding it harder to walk like a human on
these bird legs. These things get tired a lot more easily. I think I
ought to fly back. But if I do, I’m leaving you behind.”
“Race you?”
“Race a Perigrine Falcon? Alright, I'd love to see you try.”
And so I took to the air and glided towards the quad, as Ruth
dashed over the grass below me, making full use of her human legs
while she still had them.
I glided forward just as swiftly as I had towards the clock tower.
And yet when I touched down, there was Ruth skidding to a halt right
beside me. I chuckled. “Damn, girl, you’re athletic.”
“Sure, I’ve been a steady jogger for years. But not a
sprinter. What just happened?”
“Bird bones are hollow to store extra bits of the respiratory
system. Holdover from dinosaur days, makes flight possible. You’ve
got something that works a lot like blood doping only it’s not
dangerous. A real Lance Armstrong effect. Lucky you.”
“Oh jeez,” said Ruth. “I’m already a bird down to my
bones. We need to find that Morrow guy and fast.”
…
And so night fell, a sky lit only by stars. There in the courtyard
were Professor Windsor, looking excited; Guy, looking wistful; and
Ayaan, staring up at Rook in wonder. Ruth and I stood beneath Rook,
beneath the starry sky, hand in hand. We were lucky to be setting out
on a moonless night.
Which was a little suspicious because I could have sworn the moon
was a waning gibbous last night. It was not a happy thought. If
these…Olympians could mess with the moon, then…what else could
they do? What could they not do? And how did they do it? Did they
have some kind of advanced super science that they weren’t sharing,
or…
“Flippin’ Olympians,” muttered Ruth. “I bet they’re
doing this with some kind of crazy advanced science that they aren’t
sharing. It would be just like them.”
“Ah ha. Great minds think alike.”
Ruth giggled. “Birds of a feather, eh?”
“So this is goodbye for now,” said Professor Windsor. “I
want you to send me detailed reports on Rook’s flight capabilities,
alright? And if you could also observe what the birds are saying, as
usual. And here.” They shoved a thermometer into my hands, as well
as an anemometer. “Might as well take some weather readings out
there.” They added a geiger counter. “Just in case you’re
veering too close to old nuclear power plants.” They stacked a
mobile phone and heavy plastic device on top of it. “Satellite
phone and battery pack, for non-confidential communications.”
I ruffled my feathers. "Wonderful. Another field trip ruined by homework."
“It’s a scientific expedition,” chirped Ruth. “You were
going to be taking notes anyway.”
“It is secondarily a scientific expedition,” said Professor
Windsor. They produced a small metal box from a pocket of their lab
coat. “Primarily it is a covert strike against Doctor Morrow’s
facilities, assuming he does not readily submit to me and produce a
cure for your condition.” They placed the little box on top of the
pile of items in my arms. “Keep that in your bag and don’t expose
it to sunlight until you’re ready to strike.” Ayaan appeared from behind Guy and put her face close to the box,
only to be pushed backward by the Professor’s outstretched arm.
“Careful there, protogé of mine. This little thing will cause a
kind of kaboom.”
“Hang on,” said Ruth. “What exactly do you mean, a ‘kind
of kaboom’? Is it a bomb? Are we murdering the Doctor after all?”
The Professor laughed. “No, no, I assure you no one will be
immediately harmed by this device. All it will do is swiftly and
surely disable Doctor Morrow’s lab and estate. On that you have my
word. And no, it is not an EMP.”
“But –”
“No, no, don’t ask what it is, it will work much better if you
don’t try to place it strategically. Alright? Be careful not to
bring it out until the right time. Just trust me on this.”
Everyone around looked skeptical. Ruth gave me a worried look. I
shrugged, and nodded my head to Rook. “We have to get going
anyway.”
“Hang on,” said Ayaan, staring up at Rook. “This thing can
actually fly?”
“That’s Rook for you,” said Guy. “One giant helping of
bird. I’m sad to see them go so soon.”
“Worry not for the bird,” said Professor Windsor. “It’s a
marvel of genetic engineering. My greatest creation, and the one
thing I’ve managed to do without Doctor Morrow’s input. Ruth,
Rani, please be nice to Rook and bring it back in one piece.”
I saluted, nearly smacking the Professor with a flight feather.
And then Rook was lowering their head to the ground, and we were
climbing their neck, and settling into the feathers of their back,
and then –
Then we were off, rising into the starry night.
“Here we go,” said Ruth. “It is a good day to fly.”