Findings:
- Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
- My soul is in a million pieces. I tried to collect most of them, but some are missing, and the ones I have don't fit together anymore. Feel free to take a piece or two.
- You, standing
- I don't know why but I always love episodes without words. like just something about them makes me feel calm or something..
- I don't know if these are good flowers or bad flowers, but I picked them for you
- I still can't think of anything, or how Fight Club changed my life
- Get dressed NOW or you're going in your underwear.
- I keep thinking I'm so tough but I rarely care enough to prove it. So am I really tough then? Or does every dog just have its day?
- How to drive a friend mad, and still feel good about yourself
- How to get Apache to tell your visitors when files have moved or been deleted
- Have you ever wondered how many gears a car can have? Or: My experiences with an East German vehicle
- We must remember them or they cease to be.
- Coy or honestly shy, either way I have got mad designs on your dancy eyes
- I may or may not have been naked
- For all sad words on tongue or pen, the saddest are these: "It might have been."
- These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
- Strange man makes permanent visit
- This moment will never come again. Would you rather enjoy it or complain about it?
- Racing friends with fragile self esteem, or: A good way to get yourself killed
- you can only make me dizzy if you're spinning me in leaves or snowflakes
- For future reference, when in eternity or insanity; dreams I would like to have
- It must have rained or something
- Jessica, too tall but still lovely, was not sure she would or should drop the whale
- You don't always have to disagree, or agree for that matter
- If you or a loved one have been injured or killed
- Signs that you or someone you know may have a problem with drugs or alcohol
- Is the lock broke, or does everyone have a key?
- or maybe a calm voice, that accent you don't think you have
- Or he'll just kick me in the face and scream abstract noises and dance around outside in his underwear and have sex with the neighbor's dog and try to fly by jumping off the toilet
- Are you searching to be inspired? Or are you searching to be amused, be content, be happy? What could you have been?
- I have no proof that he would ever want to kiss or destroy me.
- The 25th Amendment, or the legal way to have a coup d' etat
- Until I die there will be sounds. And they will continue following my death. One need not fear about the future of music.
- "What *should* we be worried about?"; or how too many cooks make a statistically average soup
- But I'm a good person! Yeah great you wanna help me with this or what?
- Stand up for yourself, OR: How I got the shit kicked out of me
- The UK's farmers, or How to reap a profit without worrying about pesky scruples
- How to develop one side of your butt and still have the other one flabby
- I have little or no desire to watch you perform your daily rituals
- Perhaps pain will stop me where good sense and virtue have failed
- Why some mammals have an aversion to water
- The Meeting, or "Have a Nice Day, Mr Hockney"
- Smite heathens or have a beer?
- The Weddings I have Performed, or Why God is Gonna Kill Me
- I have enthusiasm for everything that you like or are interested in!
- at the moment i have forgotten if i am abraham lincoln or captain ahab - nonetheless i am an important figure in u.s. history
- Micro or macro, we have the means to kill you
- socketes matures during 4 14 years. - reflections upon an obscure Dadaist genius in our midst; or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the troll.
- you can lower your standards, or your pants, but you can't make them love you
- Is this what I have been seeking? Or is it an echo, a remnant, a sign that I was wrong?
- i remember reading this but i can't remember if i liked it or not
- you're not alive until you have nothing left to lose
- Rocks Do Not Belong in the Road, or: How to Launch a Mazda Protege Into the Air
- The mighty have fallen, and I don't feel too good myself
- 'Fuck off' used as a replacement for 'good', or 'very'
- I Came Out Here To Have A Good Time And Honestly I Am Feeling So Attacked Right Now
- Once and somewhere far away I might have found peace, but now I can't live without this city.
- we have the most gigabytes of infodata but we still shoot each other on the streets
- How to recover a lost Linux root or Windows 2000 Administrator password
- She may be pretty and have more money than me but she doesn't write songs about you.
- there's nothing special about love or heartbreak
- These are the only minutes you'll ever have. Take good care of them.
- Overcoming arachnophobia, or how I learned to love the spiders with HUMAN HEADS!
- By morning I will have erased all traces that I was ever a bear
- They made the sunrise for people like us just so we have an excuse for why we're still up.
- the world's big enough, but how about your mind?
- The ones with their priorities straight don't know how to get what they want, and the ones who get what they want have messed up priorities.
- How to disable or translate caps lock in Microsoft Windows 2000
- How to share your Cable Modem or DSL connection between two computers
- New And Improved Illustrated Bartender's Manual or How to Mix Drinks of the Present Style
- if you're going to pontificate, can I at least have a drink
- Slide, thud, whoosh, crunch, or: Catholic Rally Stage 1 Fights Back
- I just submit to one or two days of horror for going out and playing at being a normal functioning person
- we are neither good nor evil. is a bowl good or evil?
- there are no good or bad people
- I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
- I will have her forever but I can't touch her
- I can only pray that, when I finally leave, I will have done little enough damage to be totally forgotten
- when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
- there are people in the world who love you, and they will see that this suffering will not have happened in vain
- If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.
- Screaming Bullet of Compact Imported Death, or: How I Found Out My Mazda Protege Could Go 130mph
- you have ghosts. where are they? are they so deep that the light cannot reach them? is there any such place?
- Dental surgery, or, how I learned to appreciate anesthesia
- I have dreamed. And now I will awake.
- Weather-related clichés (or how to start a conversation with a stranger)
- The Thanksgiving Curse, or, how we keep almost getting killed.
- How I insulted a Mormon, or reason #78345 I'm an Idiot
- How we could still have a President Trump
- How do you pronounce a 3? Or a 0?
- Every morning when I wake up, I feel guilty for all the things I have ever been
- Now that I have nothing resembling a desk, I am allowing myself a node to fantasize about one
- Fight or flight response
- If poetry could describe the way you make me feel, poetry would be illegal. Or anyway I might get arrested.
- Good Johnny's Happy Noderthon for Kids & a $1000 or a Blow-Job (whichever is lesser value).
- 54-40 or fight!
- Every poem about thunder was written under the protection of a roof, or, at the very least, an empty sky
- By morning I will have erased all traces that I was ever here
- It feels like fingernails across the moon. Or do you rub your wings together?
- I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head.
- Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
- The male libido - or - How I was castrated by the 90's
- I am afraid to breathe or shut my eyes but I do both.
- Dr. Bloodmoney or How We Got Along After the Bomb
- I'm beginning to think that nothing I think or say makes sense to anyone but me
- Shaving your nuts without permanent injury and/or accidental castration
- I don't believe in God or the soul but these machines can make me cry
- The Tornado, or, how we almost all got killed.
- How to do an overbar or overline in Microsoft Word
- How many different species live on or in the average human body?
- There were a few moments you will not hear about, but they happened
- They call you heartless, but you have a heart, and I love you for being ashamed to show it. You are ashamed of your flood, while others are ashamed of their ebb.
- How to scare the Hell out of a Lexus driver, or: Don't take sharp corners at 50mph in the rain
- How to tell if you are stoned or not
- Show your work, or, how my math abilities started to decline
- How I got over my homophobia or the reasons that I blame my grades on a gay man
- You're voting this sucka down now, but I'm going to laugh
- if I can't be with you, then I'll write about you, or I'll write about something else
- And if I don't die or worse I'm going to need a nap
- Fight or flight
- Legally Black or White
- Are all good modern works of literature satire, dystopia or both?
- We are scarred, grizzled veterans of wars you'll never have to fight
- Good Beat, Easy to Dance To (or The Bottom Line)
- Go big or go home
- Writing horror: invoking fight or flight
- The Fight with the Snapping Turtle: Or, the American St. George
- Would you rather fight a horse-sized chicken or a hundred chicken-sized horses
- Look, I don't mean to be an asshole or anything, but...
- black or red (user)
- What is worse, a white man punching a black man, or a white man calling a black man a nigger?
- One of the dangers of necromancy is you don't really know who's on the other side or what they're going to give you in return.
- There is not much new to say about snow, or about broken love
- Are we in good news or bad news territory here
- Music that is either by the Sonic Youth or by some band that is ripping off the Sonic Youth, but you can't tell which
- I may have cellulite, but I can still put my ankles behind my head
- If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns
- All good men are either gay or married
- My brother is still dead... and now I have his car...
- copying images or the words of the Buddha is a good deed and way of gaining merit
- With or Without You... but I prefer the latter
- You're not alive until you have something to lose
- It's too early to talk about God, or women
- As long as we have the purple berries we needn't worry about our size.
- judge a captain not by his shipwrecks, but by whether or not he blames the sea
- It wasn't so much what you said, or what I did, but more what you said I did, and what I didn't say at all.
- The people we have met in the last 5 years, & will we remember them in 10 more
- When you know things are just meant to be
- How to have fun in post-Civil War New York
- I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me
- The eyes of the dead may not blink, but they have been known to wander
- Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter Writing
- I am no doubt moving. The question now is not where, but how. My life changes everyday. Big deal.
- "Of course humans aren't intelligent. They don't even have glurbleflukers. If you can't glurblefluke, you're not sentient."
- I didn't have the heart to tell him I was lying about taco night, but at least the hellhound made some friends
- Our minds bend and twist in the wind, our bodies fall apart, and the ghosts we leave behind have only one question: Where Have You Been?
- Your radical ideas about many things have already occurred to others but have never been articulated in a fashion so accessible to current generations
- The FOOLS! They laughed at my theories at the university, but I'll have my revenge! I'll have my REVENGE!
- It will only make our insides burn until we are nothing but ash.
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