Findings:
- The ones with their priorities straight don't know how to get what they want, and the ones who get what they want have messed up priorities.
- Friends who need you, and how not to deal with them
- IP Addresses and How to Deal With Them
- Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
- I can't stand up for falling down
- Do you know how many times you've woken up at 4:15 with deep insights?
- I can't even begin to tell you how I feel about certain things for reasons that you may find difficult to understand
- My soul is in a million pieces. I tried to collect most of them, but some are missing, and the ones I have don't fit together anymore. Feel free to take a piece or two.
- How Do You Know Who's A Stranger?
- Have I forgotten how to stand up with the humor and the need?
- You taught me language, and my profit on it is I know how to curse. The red plague rid you for learning me your language!
- Stand up for yourself, OR: How I got the shit kicked out of me
- Common Heroes and how to deal with them
- What they don't know can't hurt them
- I'm so pissed I can't stand up
- Days go by like sweet summer breeze; I don't know I... can't feel them anymore
- The guy who can't even pick up guys
- if being gay isn't illegal, how will we know who's cool anymore?
- Beautiful words are nonsense if you can't hear how you're saying them.
- they tell you to be your true self. to never give up on who you are. they don't know who i am.
- And if terrorists wanted to communicate secretly, mightn't they just do so by collaborating on a 'draft' here at e2? Can the NSA check on our drafts? Who knows? Inquiring minds want to know, Jay!
- Getting a free case of beer
- Help! I'm noding and I can't get up!
- Break up at the food court
- How Gauss quickly added up the numbers 1 to 100
- Breaking down a door
- but we turn everything we touch to shit; we just can't let beauty stand
- Tell me how you want to die, and I'll tell you who you are
- Getting free computer parts
- I had names for all of those places, but I can't remember them
- How to break a coconut
- I can't tell you my username because I know you too well
- Impersonal recruiters
- How to open a shrinkwrapped CD
- I bind these books, but I can't write in them; I just can't
- break up
- How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle and How He Was Driven Thence
- How to get free clothes in places with Lost & Found boxes
- How to pick up men
- How 'bout them transparent dangling carrots?
- How an S-R latch can destroy the universe
- the universe is deterministic and we have free will
- Breaking in a new rifle barrel
- How can I comfort you when it breaks me too?
- I've fallen and I can't get up!
- If you can't beat them, join them
- How Gently We Break
- If the universe breaks my heart
- i cant ever have you, even in my mind.
- buildings so tall you can't even see the tops of them
- you can lower your standards, or your pants, but you can't make them love you
- She hopes I'm cursed forever to sleep on a twin size mattress, never graduating up in size to add a lover.
- Can'st thou not minister to a mind diseased?
- How to deal with angry customers
- How to deal with a smelly roommate
- People only enter relationships to have extravagant break ups
- How to use the Postal Service for free
- Baltimore natives, and how to understand them
- How the Mind Works
- What Happened to Them at Surinam, and How Candide Became Acquainted with Martin
- How to get free magazines
- How do ya like them apples?
- How to get your stuff voted up
- How do you know a dog wants to smooch?
- How is it that Mexicans know neither Chili con Carne nor Toilet Paper?
- I know how to bring a whiskey bottle pleasure with my touch
- Holding up a bank in Latin
- I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
- Time to break up
- The Break Up
- How crackers break copy protection
- I don't have a problem with Christians, it's Biblical Literalism I can't stand
- I guess you really can't know anybody after all
- You can't stop thinking of her: this is how you explained it, a proof of your being in love.
- How not to faint when you can't move
- when the sky breaks, and the raw power of the universe roars in every direction
- You can bear arms, but you can't bare breasts
- Performing her communion with quick slashes up and down her arm
- I know. I can't remember.
- science can't explain how our thoughts are formed
- A Century of Wrong: The Orange Free State
- when i wake up i can't remember what it was. it's so hard to smuggle something out of a dream.
- You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.
- I know there's a story in here somewhere, I just can't find it
- How to Deal with Tear Gas
- How to deal with Religious Fanatics
- An arms dealer, a drug dealer, and a thief...or, how I spent my New Years Eve
- Things you should know before deciding to contract a crippling disease
- How to deal with banks
- Why can't the Democrats ever think up this kind of sleazy shit?
- Garage sale - Feelings free, take them all!
- What happens to my soul if I go mad? Does it stay trapped inside or is it floating free?
- I'm scared to death of what havoc he could wreak in my life
- How To Keep Your Hoes Kink Free
- How to get a 19" monitor for free
- How do you know when someone's your best friend?
- If I didn't ask, I'd never know (how much you hate me)
- How do you know a girl wants to smooch?
- how to survive an armed robbery
- How my plans to sell someone's soul on eBay were foiled
- wreak havoc
- How to get free clothes in Disney World
- How to pick up women
- Grinding power supply fans and how to fix them
- How to tell when you have really messed up your relationship
- How to hold up a bank in Pig-Latin
- Hard disk vibrations and how you can stop them
- How to use chopsticks
- How many melodies are there in the universe?
- How do I know if I really like coffee?
- Lunch, two good men, books, how much I like them
- I know you're cute no matter how many layers of abstraction you hide behind
- How do you know the fishes are enjoying themselves?
- How the universe will end
- I hate Creed--Or how I know there are 52 Advil in my apartment
- If you love somebody, set them free
- Declaration of the Causes and Necessity of Taking Up Arms
- When not to break up with your girlfriend
- How to improve your break shot
- How to break into a car
- How to break in a baseball glove
- This is how fascism begins
- How to break your neck and freak people out
- How to break Laissez-Faire Capitalism
- I love you so much that I have to break up with you
- How to break a sauce
- you can't break even
- Writers don't look for their big breaks. They write them.
- Breaking a bank machine in 2 easy steps
- You break my mind in a subtle way
- gazing back upon your newly sprouted wings, as you begin to sense a use for them
- it'd break my heart but if i knew you got away it'd give me peace of mind till the day i die
- I don't have a problem with Biblical Literalism, it's Christians I can't stand
- I can't wake up
- No matter how wise an old sheep, he can't teach a fish how to polevault
- Sometimes, I get so lonely I can't stand being conscious.
- Mutant Marsupials Take Up Arms Against Australian Air Force
- I still can't think of anything, or how Fight Club changed my life
- Men can download naked women. Women can't download men worshipping them. Ha ha!
- I can't see your face in my mind
- How to break through the next locked door
- Those who can't do, teach
- To a beautiful woman who can't have ketchup
- I can't think of anyone who could appreciate more than me your eyes and your voice
- The one song I can't stand listening to
- In this moment I'm focused on my own emotions. I don't care about how you feel. I can't.
- I can't get a haircut today because I have too much free time
- Reality can't be whatever I want it to be, but maybe it's not so clear-cut, you know?
- Lipstick prints wiped off on sleeves cut up for rags half a century ago
- Free Speech Was Threatened Again In The 21th Century: Another History Chapter
- Memories aren't only in your head if you can't walk down a road without having them.
- What I don't know I can't reveal under torture
- I am no doubt moving. The question now is not where, but how. My life changes everyday. Big deal.
- Curse Free TV
- How To Deal With Doubters
- How to Deal
- How to deal with the office nut-job
- I couldn't possibly be the only one who doesn't see empathy as a curse
- Dealing with foggy bathroom mirrors
- How to deal with conflict in relationships
- I have made up a name for my disease
- Recipes for the bachelor who isn't afraid of heart disease
- Being a good lab partner and dealing with a bad lab partner
- We can't heal a broken arm with some pretty band-aids.
- The Thanksgiving Curse, or, how we keep almost getting killed.
- Can't speed up, can't slow down - all we can do is follow these damn dogs
- How to get your cell phone replaced free of charge
- How to tell if paper is acid free
- How To Keep Your Hose Kink Free
- Free your mind, add some pizzazz to your writing
- A crazy ideological teenager who still thinks that clear, free, rational thinking can save the world
- How to become a minister for free
- Getting free pizza
- diseases are the universe's way of reporting a software vulnerability
If you Log in you could create a "You can't stand up. Centuries of arthritis, disease, and eldritch curses hammering a mind who doens't know how to deal with them. Your soul struggles to break free and wreak havoc on the Universe. Your arm begins to strangle you." node. If you don't already have an account, you can register here.